More and Less Space

I know it's been awhile but alot has changed! We bought a house, for one thing! Its a great stone cottage 2200 sq ft, wood floors, 12 foot ceilings, great windows, and even though we were looking for a house without one-an in-ground pool. It needs a little work (electrical updates, some tape and float, new paint, could even use and update to the kitchen) but I'm hoping we'll be finished before Christmas...
I'm starting the second trimester these days and feeling-not as good as I hoped I would. While most of the nausea is gone, I'm still pretty pooped out and my back is killing me! More specifically, my sciatic nerves! I had problems with them before, but usually it was just on one side and a few minutes of stretching would make it disappear. Now I feel like falling to my knees some days. I literally crawled to the bathroom the other day...I'm realizing I've never been so physically taxed and mentally drained as I am now. Forget emotions! While I have yet to blubber away or snap, I'm feeling less patient with people and finding I have to head off problems sooner these days-kinda feeling like a nag, granted a diplomatic nag, but still. I figure that's better than being pissed off about something that's been annoying me for weeks.

I thought I was done with morning sickness but this past Sunday morning proved me wrong. I think I accidentally rolled over onto my stomach for a minute before waking up and the instant need to toss some cookies was the baby's way of saying "get off me!"

I already feel super pregnant, and with such a short torso-already look it, too. Doc said only place for baby to go is out. The space between my hips and ribs is roughly the length of my palm-if that. On someone who is 5'4" on a good day, that's not much space. But for all the aches and pains and there are already more than I expected, I'm certain it'll be worth it.

Since we have a new house to furnish, we've been looking at cribs and such. I think we found what we're looking for at Pottery Barn Kids. Yes, it's yuppie, but it's well-made and inexpensive (it's also on sale). besides what's so wrong with being yuppie? I mean aside from the cookie-cutter character and the social and cultural elitism?

It's not easy to furnish a house when you're working full-time and are full of horomones. I know what I like, I'm just not certain if anything will go together. I don't necessarily want everything to be matchy-matchy, but I'd like there to be some congruity...maybe in the paint colors? I'm thinking blue-gray walls and pearl white ceilings...or maybe just shades of white...or some kind of taupe? Oh well, I figure it out. I think for some reason people expected me to know exactly what I want, but I don't. it's kind of like our wedding-I kind of just went with whatever-lots of colors, it's fiesta? sure! But I did learn one thing about being flexible: it's good but whatever you decide, make sure you love it! I'm still a little disappointed about my dress and the fact that the photographers sold the company, fled the country and we have no pictures of our wedding day...other than that, it was nice and fun!

I digress...

scents and sensibility

I can't hear or say any words that have to do with expelling anything from the body. Perfumes. kill me. colognes, added scents have been removed from my space-poor Luke has been sequestered from me even after he showers, since the smell of his wet hair-more specifically his shampoo makes me ill. Anyone who smokes or has been around a smoker is nixed from my social circle right now...not that I was ever around many smokers in the first place. Anything too sweet or fruity. The one thing that didn't turn my stomach was, of all things: chicken wings! Luke came home one day with wings from wing stop and it was the first smell that made me hungry in days! I stole 4 of his wings and suddenly felt like I could eat! I took advantage of it and had some fruit and yogurt-only to feel stuffed quickly thereafter. Gas and constipation can do another number on you appetite! As someone who's never had heart burn, stomach or digestive problems, or a problem with food-this is all new and unnerving. I anticipated eating a healthy diet but all the fruit and veggies I bought make me ill-but bring me some chicken wings and apparently I can eat! I never even tried wings before a couple years ago!

To top off the headaches, backaches, continuous nausea and I now have a cold! I was hoping to have a super healthy and exercised pregnancy, but I haven't been able to stand up for more than 10 minutes since fireworks ended without feeling completely wiped out, let alone work out! Work has been kind of a bust this week, I managing to do some work every other hour, in between trips to the bathroom and heavy naps. Ritz crackers and ginger ale have been the mainstay of my diet lately. I've only been able to stomach fruit in a smoothie, which takes me about an hour to drink. I've tried to eat apples only to feel awful for hours. I'm even afraid to eat the figs I ought-just the thought of them makes my stomach lurch...

What have I been able to keep down? Mostly dinner-if it's after 8pm. Lately it's been everything from baked chicken roasted potatoes and green beans or salmon, sweet potatoes, and broccoli to cheese burger and french fries or lettuce wraps and spring rolls. I know it could be worse, but i guess I had high hopes for these early weeks.

The worst part: Luke has finally had some time off and I'm too sick or tired to spend much time with him out of bed.

Here's hoping things improve soon...as for now, maybe this cold will weaken my sense of smell and bring back my sensible appetite!

Neglect

I've neglected to write lately, mostly because I've had to neglect everything due to lack of time. In the past 10 days, I've worked 14 to 18 hours a day and barely had time to prepare a meal much less anything else. I did, however, find time to tell a few more people about our news. Some had reactions I expected, others are still puzzling. I told my brother Marc as I was leaving the yogurt shop one night right after he happened to answer the phone. To be fair, I had already left by turned back, figuring I should tell him sooner rather than later. he was one the phone and gave me a puzzled look and mouthed "are you pregnant?" I told him yes, thought you'd want to know and was on my way. I eventually had to tell most people I was working with at the fireworks building just for the simple fact that they needed to understand why I was so freakin tired. At the building people were mostly congratulatory and even a little shocked that i was working so much. I told Pamela at lunch on Monday as we were preparing for our coalition meeting. She was so excited she went to order "what to expect when yo're expecting" right after our meeting. I told Paul the Thursday before the 4th and he was definitely excited, as was my mom's old friend, Doreen, who was in town to visit.
I really can't remember who else we've told, though we did have a nice dinner with Luke's parents, Michael and Nana on Friday to "celebrate". I'm noticing my brain is in a perpetual fog and I'm tired all the time, even taking naps, which is particularly unusual for me. In fact, I'm tired now and still have work to do...

Spilling the Beans

Friday Luke and I found out that he would have to travel for work on his birthday, which also happens to be the day we were scheduled for our first ultrasound. We knew we had to at least ask if he had to be gone on the 30th , but we also knew we'd have to share our big news to his brother Michael, who draws up the work/travel schedule. So, after so tip toeing around and working on getting everything together for closing on the house, we went in to talk to Michael. he didn't get it at first and asked if I was having a pap. I told him I was going to the OB. Luke just blurts out, "She's pregnant!" Michael of course, is congratualatory. But still doesn't get why Luke wouldn't want to travel on the 30th. So I explain, while Shandelle, his Wife, was more independent during their pregnancies and Michael dialed into the appointments...that was more because she HAD to be. This was a super last minute travel plan which hadn't even been booked yet. It seemed pretty obvious that it was getting booked whether we liked it or not. So, before I even had a chance to reschedule our appointment, Luke was booked on a flight tour of West Texas for his birthday/our first appointment. Michael, while we love him, wasn't exactly my first choice of who to tell. I know he's happy for us, but it won't mean much to him until there's an actual little kid to hold. Which, I totally understand. But I also knew I needed some support from someone who knows how I'm feeling and can tell me what to expect. So, on Saturday, I asked my sister Liz to come work with me and after a few ours at the building I told her our news. She was very excited! The first thing she said after congratulations was "I'll babysit!" She told me she kept picturing me with a big belly after I told her. And she is so certain that "Luke is going to be such a good daddy". The next two days we exchange some information on food cravings and what to cut out of my diet. We talk about the benefits of baby lsings and birthing centers. Exercise is a big focus for me, as is the natural approach I want to take with this whole thing. I learned about a blog from a Hawaiian woman called "Mango Mama" which brings new meaning to the words "baby mama drama".

Anyway, at least with my sister I can talk about all of this stuff. It would be weird, and probably un-insightful with my brother-in-law....

In any case, we now have to figure out when to tell our parents and the rest of the family. I was hoping to keep my June 30th appointment so we could tell them afterwards ( in just two days!) But since Luke will be traveling we decided to go when he'll be in town. So now, my appointment has been rescheduled for July 8th and I'm just not sure I can wait! I'll jusy have to do my best and try to pass off my unusual rejection of libations at dinner tonight. We're having a surprise bday dinner for my mother-in-law, which I'm sure will include plenty of drinks. Maybe if I just deem myself the designated driver, that will work...though I don't think I've ever volunteered for that position before...

I guess we'll see just how much longer we can keep this on the DL...

Moo Shu and Baby Booties

So after my morning conference call for work, I call Dr. Theis' office to schedule my first pre-natal appointment. I give the triage nurse my info and she suggests I'm four weeks along. I explain to her I had some blood work done and now that I look at the date of my appointment (June 11th) it should have come back as a positive pregnancy result. In any case, I get a call back saying Dr. Theis would like to see me in two weeks. Well, with the fireworks season upon us and Luke and I working like crazy-his family does own the largest fireworks company in SA, afterall, I wasn't sure I could make the appointment. It turns out my only free day is Luke's birthday. So, June 30th @ 4:15 we're going to our first appointment, hopefully to confirm the pregnancy and get some more info and a schedule going. I continue my day at the office, with some really productive afternoon meetings. Right at 5:30, feeling suddenly tired, I head out the door. I realize on my way home that our landlord is showing the house to a potential renter from Austin and we didn't make the bed, or load the dishes, and I'm pretty sure our bathroom towels are hanging on the doors and our dining room table is covered in paperwork. I rush home, anticipating some quick house keeping only to discover the appointment was canceled. The sudden sense of urgency certainly helped boost my energy so I go to Crossfit to work out. Now, I struggled with the idea of going all day, knowing that it's a high intensity workout and contrary to the recommendations for exercise for pregnant women. Ultimately, I did the whole workout and felt great! Afterwards, I told Rick, the owner/trainer/certified Army Nurse, my condition and he and I agreed to give my OB as much info as possible whilst continuing my workouts, with modification, if necessary. It turns out there's another woman in Crossfit who's pregnant, and even goes to the same office I do, small world, huh?!
Luke has been working long, hard hours gearing up for firework, we start selling in 2 days...he gets home around 7:30 and even though he's tired and has been pulled away from managing opeations to help pack orders and move boxes for 12 hours a day, he suggests we celebrate.
So, I'm thinking that's great especially since the next few weeks will be so busy we proabably won't share a meal, other than his mom's birthday on the 28th. Anyway, we take turns showering and I can't help but think that we'll have two showers when we move! When Luke emerges, he suggests we have dinner at Hsui Yu. My first reaction was: they don't have many vegetables and I immediately feel like an ass. Only more so when he says, "I figured we could just go since that's where, you know." And I did know, that's where we had our first date. He is so sweet and I told him so after apologizing for not recognizing his attempts to be nostaligic and romantic, especially since it really was. We head out for a late dinner, 8:30 is pretty late for us...Hsui, the owner/chef's wife/namesake of the restraunt greets us with her sense of familiarity. It's ironic, though, this may be one of the few times she hasn't asked us if we're going to have kids soon...Luke points out that we end up sitting just next to the table where we had our first date. He really is sweet, I didn't even think of that. Luke sent me a text message earlier in the day asking "boy?girl?" he wanted to know what I wanted and I admitted I waned a girl-my logic was that little girls tend to mature more quickly, which would allow us to have another baby without having to wait too long. I was maybe a little surprised to hear he wants a boy. Of course, we both just want a healthy baby. At dinner he asked me what the choices were for a name. I told him I didnt know and he seemed a little shocked. I know we've talked about named before. In fact, I recall a late summer night walk last year where we went through the entire alphabet and came up with both a boy and a girl name for every letter. I've often gravitated to these names: Jack, Jackson, Jacob, Owen, and of course Luke for boys and Olivia/Olive, Sophia, Charlotte, Grace, for girls. But, nothign's set in stone. So, Luke pulled out his iphone and started looking up baby names. Throughout dinner we mulled over a few and made fun of some others (who wants to name their kid after the King of the Elves in Lord of the Rings? apparently, somebody?) In any case, it may still be too early to be thinking about all that. Though Elrond Theoden Girdley certainly has a ring to it...

Now It's Time for the Baby Carriage

After more than 10 years together, 3 of them being married, Luke and I are expecting a baby! I'm not sure if I should have ended that with a question mark or an exclamation point? It's not that we're not excited, we are! Just a bit shocked. After several months of tyroid and horomone testing the most definitive ting I heard the past few months was that I am anovulatory. I don't ovulate, hence I can't get pregnant. Fast forward to June 20th, Father's Day 2010. I'm feeling compelled to take one of the pregnancy tests I have on hand. Yes, I have one on hand-when you're suddenly irregular after years of birth control and periods like clockwork, you invest in a few pee sticks.

Anyway, like with most tests I've taken in the past, this was just to confirm that I was becoming predictable unpredictable. But when the word "Pregnant" appeared I was a bit floored. I was smiling, I think, I'm sure I was, but I also started sweating like mad. Luke was in the next room, and I knew I had to tell him. I wasn't sure I could get out the words "i'm pregnant" Even now, writing this, it seems like it was a dream to say it out loud. It makes me shiver just to think it, it's so surreal. I emerge from our little one-window bathroom and cross our excuse for a hallway into the "office". It's supposed to be a second bedroom, but for our needs it's more of a poker room/exercise studio/place where things with no place end up. I ask Luke if he's got a minute, a while he says sure, I know he's a little distracted and would want to be focused on this moment. So, I tell him I'll really need his attention when he gets a minute. He must know somehing's up because he let's everything slide and turns from his behemoth side-by-side computer monitors and asks, "What's going on?"

With pee stick in hand I say, "according to this, well, I'm pregnant." I see a smile flash across his face quickly followed by a look that can only be described as an internal voice stating the obvious, "Oh, shit."

"I know," I say. We both know. We both know we were told we might have a bit of trouble conceiving (that's putting it mildly). We both know that all medical tests whether they say 995 accurate on the box or not can be as likely as 10% to deliver a false positive. So we head out for a second test.

I'm excited but also nervous and unprepared. We pass the Walgreen's up the street, even though it's short walk, we took the car, knowing we may have to make more than one stop. There it was, 9:10 on a Sunday night and it was closed.

A quick maneuver across two empty lanes and we're on our way to the 24-hour HEB. Not my first pick this time of night, it's ALWAYS packed and I hoped not to run into someone we know, not yet. We notice the red box rental outside has a line 10 people deep, Luke remarks, "I'm in the wrong business".

We make a beeline to the back of the store, intentionally pick out a different brand than I used before and make our way to the Express Line. We are both walking through the carts of food for the week and the last minute forgotten items, spontaneously smiling, then not. I can' t put it on the automatic belt, so I clasp the box in my hands and wait for the couple in front of us to finish purchasing their 4 pints of strawberry whipped cream. I hand the cashier the box she swipes it and puts it in a bag before I can say, we don't need a bag.

On the way home, I contemplate the likely month of delivery if all goes normally. And I realize something disappointing. I won't be able to go to Hawaii for my in-law's 40th anniversary. They forewent there actual anniversary date in January and opted to take the whole family in March, so our oldest nephew Cannon, wouldn't miss school. A very sweet consideration, but at the same time, the kid is sharp as a tack and going into Kindergarten. I think he'd have been fine missing 9 days, but that's not my call. So I ask Luke if I'm horrible for thinking about missing Hawaii? With his usual effacing, he teases, "No, but I'll miss you!"

We get home and I chug as much water as my stomach will hold, hoping it will help move it along faster. Another test, another three minute wait, another positive result. We're pregnant.

It's still sinking in, and of course the first few things I did were to look up when it's safe to start telling people because I KNOW I'll have to tell my mom and sisters, I couldn't possible keep this form them if I wanted to. Second, I tried to find information on pregnancy and this hard core fitness regime I just started, it seems I may have to suspend it in favor of something less demanding. The third thing I tried to figure out our date of conception-it seems like June 11th may have been the day...though it's not an exact science.

We went to bed relatively early, but didn't get to sleep until nearly 1AM. Between our anxiety and excitement and need to be close, we eventually figured it was best to try to be as normal as possible. So, we watched Lethal Weapon 2 until we couldn't stay up any longer.

The next day, today, I'm ready to give up coffee and tuna, though I anticipated having both today. I'm considering continuing my exercise regime, after all I would have gone if I never took the test...though I'm not sure yet. One thing is certain, I don't want to forget what this was and will all be like. Next steps: call the doctor for a confirmation appointment, continue my Monday workday, and try to be normal! For now, that means: working on LiteracySA, the fireworks season, and closing on our house all within the next 10 days. Throw this in the mix and see what comes out, I guess!